Thursday, October 23, 2014

TSA Checklist

  • A make-believe job: Check
  • A burning need to live off the productivity of others: Check
  • A bizarre ability to rationalize away sexually assaulting men, women, and children, on a daily basis: Check.

David Mahara

This is a great example of use the system…

A guy tried to dispose of some trash, only to find that in totalitarian Amerika, “the dump buries you in dump rules. … [It] refuses to take my cans of old paint unless I buy $45 of cat litter and over a period of several weeks suffer the hassle of drying the paint into a solid form by constantly mixing the cat litter into the liquid paint until it is transformed from a liquid to a rock solid form.”

Ah, but then he recalls “another frustrating place, the Transportation Security Administration,” which confiscated his “Starbucks grande’ mocha in a brand new paper cup with 2% milk, a complimentary cap, no straw, stirred with light whip” before allowing this allegedly free man to board his flight.

How to connect the two? Well, Mr. Genius, on his “very next trip to the airport, … brought two old nasty half full one gallon cans of paint…” And the TSA duly stole and presumably disposed of them. Nice going all the way around!


My innovative idea created a win — win. TSA fights terrorism. I got rid of my paint.

A use for the TSA


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Harlan Ellison