Letter from Home

Nobody can be successful if he doesn't love his work, love his job

David Sarnoff

Since Bruce is still roaming the near east, I thought he'd enjoy a letter from home...

Letter From Mom

Dearest Bruce,

I’m writing this slow because I know you can’t read fast.

We don’t live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won’t be able to send you the address because the last Maine family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn’t have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I’m not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven’t seen them since.

The weather isn’t bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.

About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Vern said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

Junior locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven’t found out what it is yet so I don’t know if you are an aunt or uncle.

Uncle Byron fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn’t get the tailgate down!

There isn’t much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.

Your Favorite Aunt,

Mom

P.S. I was going to send you $10 but I had already sealed the envelope.

QN: Just in case you're wondering, it's not Bruce's real mom.

Finally:

God Created Maine

Submitted by Bill Cushing

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downward through the clouds.

"Look, Michael, look what I've made."Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put life on it. I'm going to call it earth and it's going to be a great place of balance.

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of the earth, "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. The Middle East over there will be a hot spot,"God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and while this one will be very cold and covered with ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to an area with mountains, lakes and forests, "What's that one?"

"Ah!," said God, "that's Maine, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful beaches, rivers, lakes, and Mountains. The people from Maine are going to be modest,intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, decent hardworking, and high achieving people, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then exclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance! Everyone and everything seems so totally perfect in this place you call Maine!"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see all the idiots I'm sending them from the rest of the world every summer."

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